he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
