i barfeds in our rink
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
