did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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