Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize