New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
