K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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