fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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