My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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