My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
