He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want a musical about memes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
