I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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