Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
