Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
