remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
