sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
