I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
