I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
