im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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