She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
