i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
