Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
