I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
