i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will pee on everything he values.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize