Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
