I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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