I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Text me some of your sweat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
