i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
