I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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