Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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