You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
