Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
