I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
