My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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