Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
