He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
