i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
