How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
