She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
