My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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