I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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