using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
