I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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