In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
