The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
