Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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