where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
