hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
