Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
