What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
