I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
