Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
