My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
