She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
