After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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