Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize