the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
