So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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