Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
