You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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