I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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