i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
