just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
