absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
