I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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