I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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