I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
