They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize