I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
