I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize