I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize