I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
