We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize