Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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