My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
