i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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